Our bulletins can be a good source of information on Sunday mornings but sometimes, not so much. Here is part two of the "bulletin bloopers":
Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet should come forward and do so.
Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She’s used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
There is a sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be baptized on the table in the foyer.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Great news! Doctors have performed a CAT scan on Pastor McLaren’s head and report that they have found nothing!
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our Church and community.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
The concert held in the Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister’s daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
The beautiful flowers on the altar this morning are to celebrate the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
A bean supper will be held Saturday evening in the church basement. Music will follow.
We have received word of sudden passing of Rev. Smith this morning during the worship service. Now let’s sing “Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow.”
A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.
Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers’. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water”. The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus”
Thursday at 5:00 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.
Tuesday at 4 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
Yesterday I shared this on my Facebook page. I was in the mood to share and I will do that from time to time. Pastor's are not perfect people no matter how much you "pay" them to be. One of my struggles in ministry was the "numbers" game. You had to have good "numbers" in order for your church to be succesful. Garbage. So below is the post from yesterday, if you're struggling with "numbers" in ministry, I pray this will be a help to you:
"I used to struggle with "numbers" in ministry. As an associate pastor, I would be hauled in front of the personnel committee and some grumpy guss church member would point a finger and say "You've got to get your numbers up! You've got to get your numbers up!" And it would rip through me that numbers are so important and that the more numbers we had the happier these people would be, the church would be growing, all the problems would disappear, puppies wouldn't poop on the floor, well you see where that's headed. In other words, "numbers" are the most important thing in ministry. I believed that lie for 15 years in ministry. When I became the Pastor of Lynch Station I still believed that lie and I would be so broken and hurt when our numbers were down on a Sunday morning. I took it personally, I was a "numbers" guy, I tracked attendance, looked for trends, compared holidays. I looked for answers in numbers because I was taught that numbers were the answer. I finally broke free from that lie two years ago. The Lord freed me from it, numbers are not the most important part of ministry, the people who show up are. The broken, hurting, people desperately seeking the truth of Scripture. I was so focused on who didn't show up that I was missing who did. I had people blaming me behind closed doors that it was my fault that our church wasn't growing. (Read your Bible, it's not the pastor's job to grow the church because it's not his church to grow.) I am sharing this because we are tempted to gauge success in the church based on numbers. Give me twenty spirit filled people any day over 100 who don't care about God or His Word. Numbers are a smokescreen, being involved in your church family is not. I just felt the need to share this because I know that other's get caught up in numbers, let me encourage you to focus on the people who show up and love on them."
A church member sent me this list of bulletin bloopers that they found online. It's good to be able to laugh in the church, something that seems lost these days. I hope you enjoy these:
The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Ralph Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
Our youth basketball team is back in action on Wednesday at 8:00 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
Let us join David and Lisa in the celebration of their wedding and bring their happiness to a conclusion.
The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth with Joy.”
It’s Drug Awareness Week: Get involved in drugs before your children do.
The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please welcome Pastor Don, a caring individual who loves hurting people.
This evening at 7:00 p.m. there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Jones to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
“Wise Up, O Men of God”. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
Don’t let worry kill you, let the Church help.
Ushers will eat latecomers.
Twenty-two members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, "The Lord Knows Why."
The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
Miss Charlene Mason sang, “I Will Not Pass This Way Again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It is a great chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.
Wednesday the Ladies’ Liturgy Group will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing, “Put Me in My Little Bed” accompanied by the Pastor.
"Ancient words of a centuries old poem carved in a gothic, medieval alphabet on a towering, ornate cathedral door right in the heart of Lubeck, Germany. Translated into modern English, the words take the form of a frightening poem. Here is what the poem says:" (Source - Twilight's Last Gleaming - By: Dr. Chuck Missler)
You call me eternal, then do not seek me.
You call me fair, then do not love me.
You call me gracious, then do not trust me.
You call me just, then do not fear me.
You call me life, then do not choose me.
You call me light, then do not see me.
You call me Lord, then do not respect me.
You call me Master, then do not obey me.
You call me merciful, then do not thank me.
You call me mighty, then do not honor me.
You call me noble, then do not serve me.
You call me rich, then do not ask me.
You call me Savior, then do not praise me.
You call me shepherd, then do not follow me.
You call me Way, then do not walk with me.
You call me wise, then do not heed me.
You call me Son of God, then do not worship me.
When I sentence you, then do not blame me.